By Tina Lott, EdD, LCPC, NCC

We often hear the phrase “practice makes perfect” and are bombarded with messages suggesting we should strive for perfection. Whether through societal pressures, social media or internal expectations, perfectionism can feel like an unavoidable standard. However, the pursuit of perfection can seem unattainable, leaving many feeling disappointed, anxious or depressed. Striving for perfection can create a toxic cycle where self-worth is tied to unreachable goals, which can lead to a decline in mental health. While society may celebrate perfectionism, it can often come at a significant psychological cost.

Research indicates perfectionist beliefs contribute to anxiety and depression. Many clients struggle with perfectionism in their lives. Common perfectionist traits may include:

• Dissatisfaction with accomplishments due to ever-changing goals
• Hiding or avoiding emotions that may expose vulnerability
• • Sacrificing well-being to appear in control or flawless
• Lack of self-compassion and excessive self-criticism
• Asking for help as a sign of weakness
• Fixating on past mistakes with extreme efforts to prevent recurrence
• Holding themselves to harsher standards than others

In addition, perfectionists may often have an all-or-nothing mindset, seeing anything short of their ideal as failure. In some cases, perfectionists extend their rigid standards to others, becoming overly critical. This inflexible thinking can create tension in relationships and heighten stress levels. The inability to accept imperfection can cause people to struggle with making decisions, fearing anything less than the perfect choice.

Signs of Perfectionism that Can Cause Emotional Distress

Perfectionism manifests differently across individuals, cultures and circumstances. While perfectionist tendencies may vary, common indicators include:

• A persistent feeling of never being good enough
• Sacrificing health, relationships or personal fulfillment to maintain an image of success
• Constantly comparing oneself to others and feeling inferior
• Struggling to take breaks due to fear of falling behind
• Setting unattainable goals and feeling crushed when they are not met
• Over-apologizing for small mistakes or feeling immense shame over errors
• Tying self-worth to productivity and external validation

Recognizing these signs is essential to break free from perfectionism’s grip. Without intervention, the cycle of unrealistic expectations can lead to burnout, chronic dissatisfaction and long-term emotional distress.

How Social Media Can Fuel Perfectionism

Social media can worsen perfectionism by presenting an unrealistic picture of success — flawless appearances, financial prosperity and effortless happiness. This constant exposure can reinforce the idea that anything less than perfection is failure. Many people may internalize these messages, leading to low self-esteem, imposter syndrome and mental health struggles. 

We are often exposed to highlight reels that fail to showcase the hardships behind success. The pressure to conform to an idealized lifestyle — whether in terms of beauty, career, relationships or wealth — makes it difficult for people to feel satisfied with their lives. This can lead to obsessive self-monitoring, unhealthy comparisons and an overwhelming fear of being judged. Instead of living in the moment, perfectionists find themselves constantly striving to maintain an image that may not even align with their true values and desires.

A Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy Approach

During counseling, I use Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy to help clients adopt unconditional self-acceptance and recognize they are valuable despite imperfections. Clients learn self-compassion and gradually shift focus from societal expectations to their own values. Key strategies to achieve this include:

• Language Reframing: Replacing rigid terms like “must” or “should” with flexible phrases like “I prefer” or “I would like”
• Value Assessment: Helping clients align goals with personal values rather than external pressures
• Setting SMART Goals: Encouraging specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound goals to reduce unrealistic expectations

Another valuable intervention is teaching clients to shift their perspective about success. Instead of viewing success as an endpoint, I encourage them to see it as an evolving journey. Practicing self-compassion, celebrating small wins and allowing for mistakes fosters a healthier relationship with achievement. By challenging perfectionist thinking, clients can learn to embrace imperfection while still striving for personal growth.

Through these techniques, clients understand perfection is neither possible nor necessary. Instead, they learn to appreciate progress, embrace imperfection and cultivate self-worth beyond external validation.

Counselors can play a crucial role in challenging perfectionist thinking and promoting healthier cognitive patterns. By reframing irrational thoughts and advocating for self-acceptance, we can help clients develop a balanced approach to personal and professional growth. Education, outreach and counseling can dismantle perfectionist ideals and encourage people to embrace their authentic selves. In addition, education about the harms of perfectionism can occur outside of counseling through presentations, workshops, outreach, professional consultation and mentorship.

Ultimately, striving for excellence is admirable, but the pursuit of perfection can be a harmful illusion. Learning to appreciate personal growth, embracing imperfection and honoring individuality can lead to greater well-being and fulfillment.

Note: Opinions expressed and statements made in this blog do not necessarily represent the policies or opinions of ACA and its editors.