Giving Voice to Hurt Parents

By Jeremy Henderson-Teelucksingh, DBH, NCC, CCMHC

March 2026

Parent abuse occurs when a minor child exerts unwanted or uninvited power and control over a parent or custodial caregiver. This behavior is not regular adolescent testing or child tantrums. Parent abuse is repeated, intentional harm that reverses the socially anticipated parent-child power dynamic. Nonetheless, the parent remains legally and socially responsible for a child they love, but over whom they have no influence.

The name first given to this phenomenon in the late ’70s was “battered parent syndrome.” Yet decades later, no single definition, language or legal structure exists to enable health care providers to offer treatment or legal protection. The lack of such structure is problematic because parent abuse is likely more common than most want to admit.

The Child as Perpetrator

Although children as young as five have demonstrated parent-abuse behaviors, this form of abuse typically presents during adolescence — a time of identity shifts, social struggles and stress. In addition, any child, regardless of their gender identity, can cause harm.

Children who abuse parents have often been exposed to abuse in the family and may be living with trauma. In some instances, they are experiencing bidirectional abuse, in which the child abuses the parent and the parent abuses the child. They may even participate in other forms of abuse, such as sibling abuse or peer violence.

Displays of Parent Abuse

The behavioral patterns in parent abuse may mimic other forms of abuse, including the following:

• Physical abuse, such as hitting, kicking, biting, pushing and throwing objects
• Emotional abuse, such as insults, threats, gaslighting and blame-shifting
• Psychological abuse, such as manipulation, intimidation and coercive control
• Sexual abuse, such as inappropriate contact and sexualized threats
• Financial abuse, such as stealing, coercing money and damaging property
• Technology abuse, such as harassment through the phone, social media or surveillance apps 

Co-Occurring Conditions

As with all forms of abuse, mental and behavioral health issues are involved. The child’s use of parent abuse may be a frustrated reaction to the parent’s behavior or connected to psychiatric or developmental concerns. Separating health-oriented outbursts from intentional attempts to gain power and control is essential to understanding parent abuse. However, it is equally vital not to discount the parents’ experience of abuse, even when they care for a child with special needs.

Substance use is sometimes another factor. Children who misuse alcohol or other substances may direct aggression toward parents. In addition, emotional distress and poor regulation may also show up. Children who use parent abuse often have difficulty identifying, managing and processing their emotional reactions and respond with dominance or indifference to authority. These conditions don’t excuse abuse but do help explain how family dysfunction and a child’s mental health can intersect in ways that leave parents as abuse targets.

The Parent as Victim

Adults who experience parent abuse often conceal it to avoid social stigma. Nonetheless, parents who experience this form of abuse tend to have certain characteristics, which can help counselors identify parent abuse. For instance, both permissive and authoritarian parenting styles are known risks. While little research exists for the LGBTQ+ population, cisgender mothers are most reported as parent abuse victims, although cisgender fathers experience such abuse, too.

In many cases, parents have historical trauma, which may partly explain their fear that if they tell, no one will believe them. The stigma often associated with trauma is similarly known to adult victims of parent abuse, which can limit access to social support and isolate the family. This experience traps parents between wanting to protect their child and wanting to protect themselves.

Bias Among Health Care Providers

In my doctoral research, I asked U.S.-based health care providers what they knew about parent abuse and assessed their attitudes toward it. Their responses showed wide gaps between providers and abused parents. For example, nearly every provider who believed parent abuse was possible also saw it as a serious issue (98.6%). By contrast, providers who doubted its possibility were far more likely to dismiss it (16.7%). These data show a strong link between believing parent abuse can occur and recognizing its seriousness.

In some cases, health care providers said parent abuse looked like other forms of abuse but admitted they lacked clarity. Few had ever formally identified a parent-abuse case, often dismissing what they saw as typical adolescent behavior. Child perpetrators were sometimes described as rebellious rather than abusive. Providers showed limited knowledge of parent-abuse terminology and agreed that consistent use of abuse definitions would be helpful. Most important, they emphasized that a single, shared definition of abuse would help professionals recognize and respond consistently across all abuse categories and types.

The Role of Counselors

Parent abuse is not new, but it is often overlooked, stigmatized and mischaracterized. Counselors can help to change that, especially when supporting adult clients who are victims of parent abuse. The unique role counselors play in health care allows us to name parent abuse for victims, validate their experiences and offer unbiased treatment — which can empower parents in the difficult position of balancing their love and responsibility for a child with their fundamental need for safety.

We can no longer afford to ignore this family secret. Our work begins by listening, naming and treating parent abuse with the seriousness it demands.