ACA Blog

I was six years old running with a wild pack comprised of my thirteen cousins, equal parts boys and girls, at our Grandmother's farm in upstate New York. As our mother's drank coffee and chatted and our dad's played poker and tried to solve the world's problems me and my kin were not only allowed, but required to play outside and amuse ourselves. We were not supervised, which by today's standards seems unthinkable. I am not one to romanticize the past – my male cousins were unruly boys and I found them twenty-five percent fascinating and seventy percent frightening. I was a partially undecided.

My email inboxes have recently been bombarded with spam excitedly pitching custom-made university diplomas, fake college degrees and transcripts purportedly belonging to “world famous” people. If that wasn’t enough, there are also spam mails meant to entice with offers of “high-end” Rolex replicas for gift-giving. As we celebrate the winter solstice, the holidays and a fast-approaching new year, it’s an appropriate time for reflection on what is false and what is real.

It is funny how our clients all know that life is not fair, but still they expect it to be! It is one thing to know intellectually that life is not fair, but another thing to give up the sense of entitlement and expectations that it should in our day to day lives. Sometimes it seems so hard to help them change their ingrained habits of thinking!

My work with the free clinic has both challenged and inspired me in a number of ways, not just professionally, but personally as well. I could probably write a short novel about my experiences so far and what I have learned, but I want to discuss one that seems to permeate through all my interactions with clients.

The year before last my husband and I began a gutsy tradition – gutsy if you were brought up in the Roman Catholic faith that is, as we both were – we decided to forgo celebrating Easter. Yes, out of the clear, blue sky we pulled a three-sixty and began welcoming that celebrated spring holiday just as any other day.

I am happy to say I have just had the privilege of completing a time in Ireland as a Fulbright Scholar. (This is somewhat to explain my absence as a frequent blogger but really it is no excuse!) I will try to share some insights as I integrate them, as my experience here gave me a very interesting new perspective on the helping professions and counseling in particular. More on that in a future blog. The Fulbright Program is the flagship international educational exchange program sponsored by the U.S. government and is designed to increase mutual understanding between the people of the United States and the people of other countries. The primary source of funding for the Fulbright Program is an annual appropriation made by the U.S. Congress to the U.S. Department of State, Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs. Participating governments and host institutions, corporations and foundations in foreign countries and in the United States also provide direct and indirect support.

Many a graduate student and frustrated agency clinician have approached me to find out how they too can open a small not for profit counseling agency. They typically have an idealistic view of how it will be and what it will look like. I myself pictured a small office, humble beginnings, not a lot of work but time to keep up on my art and reading while continuing to pay the bills and write professionally. I was right about the humble beginnings to be sure but forget the time for art, reading and leisure; you start a practice especially one like I did with only a few thousand dollars from a personal loan, no sponsors, no backers or major donors and you can be sure to learn the meaning of work. In response to requests, here is a small snapshot of my work week; your results may vary.

I spend a lot of time thinking. I can’t help it really. Just this year I was diagnosed with Adult ADD when I was seeing a Psychologist for something else entirely. I never knew I had this but it explains a lot. This cognitive hyperactivity I call — The Committee. The committee is always in session, even when I’m trying to sleep. They argue, raise points of order, and are always adding new items to the agenda. Because my mind works this way, I’m distracted by some thoughts and hyper-focused on others. The committee has been a liability at many times in my life, but at others a blessing. Now that I am aware of this, I try to harness it to my advantage as often as I can.

When she walked in she was timid, tearful. Beverly (not her real name) sat down, fumbled with her purse and spoke, her voice quivering with sadness. She began by explaining why she had decided to see me. “You see, I’m sixty-two and I’ve never seen a therapist. I don’t know how this works. I’ve been married for 20 years, and, well, I found out yesterday that my husband is having an emotional affair.”

When I started blogging for the ACA I was working in a hospital providing assessments for children, adolescents, and adults suffering with an array of symptoms and disorders. My primary objective was to provide a level of care assessment based on symptoms, presenting issues, and information that the family provided. Based on this assessment, I’d give a referral for treatment. There was a lot of paperwork. Petitions. Pages of notes. Calling the on-call psychiatrist. Calling other hospitals for beds. Talking with the ER doctor. Talking with the ER nursing staff. No counseling.