Ray McKinnis

My last blog explored the first metaphor that is used by counselors—counseling as a legal process. It is my least favorite and my hunch is that it is the least favorite of most counselors since it takes the power away from the counselor and places it in the authority that makes the rules and that disciplines those who do not follow them. Under the legal metaphor, there are only two stances: you obey or you do not—and you get no kudos for obeying.

At the beginning of a web seminar on counseling couples, a nationally known presenter said that only after she discarded everything she had learned in graduate school about counseling couples was she able to be effective in counseling couples.

At the beginning of a web seminar on counseling couples, a nationally known presenter said that only after she discarded everything she had learned in graduate school about counseling couples was she able to be effective in counseling couples.

I suspect almost every counselor has dealt with the question: ‘Do you have to have experienced it to be an effective counselor?’ Do you have to be married to be an effective marriage counselor? Do you have to have kids to effectively counsel parents having problems with their children? Do you have to have experienced unemployment to counsel those who have lost their job?

In my last blog, I was strongly advocating, rather evangelizing, counselors to first of all to DO NO HARM. This is especially a danger when dealing with religious and spiritual issues. As Nietzsche said, ’Those who were seen dancing were considered insane by those who could not hear the music.’ On the other hand, again especially in the area of religious and spiritual issues, so many advocates are like cowboys with ‘all hat and no cattle’—claiming faith and religion because of the effect it has on others but with no person experience. As counselors we should be able to distinguish between those who actually are hearing the music and those who are trying to get us to dance because of the silence in their lives. In either case, DO NO HARM.