Ray McKinnis

Much of my interest in counseling came many years ago from reading the works of Eric Berne and Milton Erickson. The skills and writings of these geniuses and their followers presented such powerful ways of helping individuals change—no matter what the client was dealing with—and personally, they changed my life. But when I went through graduate school a few years ago, these two pioneers were hardly even mentioned. Rarely did any of my textbooks even refer to them although most of the issues we were dealing with had already been dealt with quite powerfully by them.

My last blog explored the first metaphor that is used by counselors—counseling as a legal process. It is my least favorite and my hunch is that it is the least favorite of most counselors since it takes the power away from the counselor and places it in the authority that makes the rules and that disciplines those who do not follow them. Under the legal metaphor, there are only two stances: you obey or you do not—and you get no kudos for obeying.

At the beginning of a web seminar on counseling couples, a nationally known presenter said that only after she discarded everything she had learned in graduate school about counseling couples was she able to be effective in counseling couples.

At the beginning of a web seminar on counseling couples, a nationally known presenter said that only after she discarded everything she had learned in graduate school about counseling couples was she able to be effective in counseling couples.

I suspect almost every counselor has dealt with the question: ‘Do you have to have experienced it to be an effective counselor?’ Do you have to be married to be an effective marriage counselor? Do you have to have kids to effectively counsel parents having problems with their children? Do you have to have experienced unemployment to counsel those who have lost their job?