Judy Belmont

Hayley Wilson wrote a timely ACA blog post this past week on the questionable merits of counselors using Facebook. After going through a huge social media learning curve this past year, originally spurred on by trying to promote my latest book, I have come to appreciate the power of social media to promote positive messages of emotional wellness. As a graduate student back in the 70s, I never could have envisioned that mental health could be promoted in such an extraordinary way to reach people in every corner of the globe! In this age of increasing use of social media, Hayley’s post was just the impetus I needed to outline some ethical ways to promote mental health and wellness using social media.

As I am starting to wind down and limit my practice in order to spend more time on my speaking and writing, my quest for getting new clients in the door is no longer desired - and now I get more calls! I am amused to find that now that feel I have broken the “code” to learn how to get new clients I no longer want them, and the more I am not looking the more they call! So that my top 6 lessons learned do not go to waste, I decided to share what I learned so that earlier in your career you can benefit from my lessons learned. This is certainly not a definitive guide, but this is how I crystallized what I have found in my own practice.

Recently a very bright, professionally accomplished client in her 40‘s asked me, “Is it okay to have my own thoughts?” She wasn’t kidding - she meant it! Although she had had a Ph.D., and was a sought after speaker and teacher, emotionally she was a “people pleaser” who was taught early on that it was “selfish” to be too stuck on her own thoughts. In her personal life, she was easily swayed by the thoughts and opinions of others, deferring to them so she would not be seen as “selfish. Interestingly enough, we chuckled together over the fact that the message came from her very critical and overbearing mother who demanded that her daughter put her mothers needs over her own.

As we all know, life can sting. People come to us with all sorts of hurts and challenges in their lives, seeking to heal but just don’t know how. There is no shortage of reasons and ways people feel broken, and besides support and having a safe place to “unload,” they need new tools to move forward. In an earlier ACA blog post, I wrote about use of metaphors and how they can help in the healing process. Metaphors help unlock old habits of thinking and coping, and encourage flexibility in learning new ways to tackle old problems. When methods of coping no longer work, even if it had worked or at least seem to have worked in the past, the role of the therapist as teacher of a “new language” is vital for therapeutic success.

In my clinical psychology graduate program with its psychoanalytic orientation back in the 70‘s, I was taught that therapy largely was focused on uncovering how your past was still present in everyday life. The mindset at the time was that only by shedding light on deep seated issues can a person move past what had made them stuck, with increased insight and understanding. I only learned about Cognitive Behavior Therapy after graduate school, and was amazed at how just changing one’s self talk one can really change lives and happiness quotient. However, in my practice i found that even was not enough. Insight into thinking patterns alone does not change things, especially if habits are deeply ingrained. Sometimes, “knowing better” does not mean that we can actually “do better.” If so, we would all be exercising regularly and trim and fit! For many clients, some no matter how much they identify their irrational thoughts and know how they can replace them with more rational ones, they remain stuck. Why? They have no new skills to act differently!