Helen Hudson

I visited a hospital twice this week: first to see the newborn son of my handyman and then to sing to my ninety year-old, dear friend as he drew his last breaths. Odd as it may seem to the reader, both were joyous events. The first because I glimpsed the future in the face of that baby boy as his teary mother cradled him close. The second because I reflected on all of the lives touched and forever changed by my friend of 35 years.

As counselors, we likely feel our ‘real’ work is done in the office but I don’t buy that. We are the sum of our parts and most of them do NOT happen in the office. They occur in traffic, at the market, at home or out with friends. We can ‘turn off’ our work—but not our ‘self.’ That rascal follows us everywhere. This is what I mean:

I have just scrapped the blog that I was going to post tonight. It seems superfluous compared to the picture of the face that I am looking at right now: a handsome, suntanned father of two girls that I know well; a devoted husband of a good friend of mine. He is 55. His blue eyes just sparkle under that big smile of his. I am reading his obituary.

I had an interesting chat with a psychiatrist last week. He said that working with diseases of the mind was infinitely more difficult than dealing with those of the body. Why? Because with diseases of the body, say diabetes or high cholesterol, people take action. Their doctors say, ‘You must take insulin or your liver will shut down,’ or ‘It is imperative you take statins to bring your cholesterol levels down or you could have a heart attack.’ But when he makes a diagnosis of say, ‘ADHD,’ and suggests medication, often the patient, ‘feels they are just fine,’ so sees no need to follow his recommendations.

Look, I hate to burst your bubble but there is no such thing as a, “fresh start.” Can’t be done. Not even remotely possible. Once you are you, you have written all over that slate that once began ‘clean.’ Oh, you can try to erase what you’ve written. You can even write over it in darker ink but what’s done is done.