Barbara Jordan

Have you ever noticed that when you listen actively to clients, really listen, they become more cooperative? Have you noticed that when you listen this way, your client is also more likely to talk openly? And, do you notice that when you talk to them with dignity and respect, with positive intention, they really listen to you? If you've been counseling for a while now, of course you do!

I love Motivational Interviewing (MI). What once seemed a passing fad has stood the passage of time. MI is like Rogerian client-centered counseling meets Adlerian Reality therapy. The goal of MI is to express unconditional positive regard and empathy so that we can understand why clients want to address their problem(s) . It involves capitalizing on and strengthening their motivation for change. In order to do enhance their motivation, we must identify those moments when a client is ready for change as indicated by self-motivational statements or "change talk". Once we hear these statements from the client, we must then reduce their resistance and develop discrepancies between the client's goals, values, self-image, and current behavior. Below is a chart that contrasts Counter-motivational statements with Change Talk. Fill in the blank with any behavioral change your client is considering.

A client was recently referred to me because he was often angry and bitter. He frequently spoke to employees in a gruff manner. Apparently, his subordinates put up with his rudeness. I asked one such employee why he was so courteous and gracious when this leader insisted on insulting him. He claimed that he refused to let this man dictate how he was going to act. He decided not to be led by his supervisor’s negative behavior. He chose not to respond in kind but to act differently. He said, “Although I forgave him, I didn’t forget. Nor did I let his negative behavior direct my life and stand in the way of other relationships.” Maintaining an attitude of forgiveness is a healthy step toward actually forgiving.

Recently a client of mine was struggling to forgive his administrative assistant for late, sloppy reports she submitted in his name. But, then we tested the reality of this story. After some discussion, he realized that he really had to forgive himself for not having the reports ready for her in time for her to type them accurately and do a good job. Like this client, your own lack of forgiveness may be avoiding or delaying the inevitable. Without it, hurts fester and grow unchecked. As a result, you replay failures, resentments, bitterness, and mistrust in your life. Forgiveness is essential to peace, happiness, and success. With forgiveness, you acknowledge and mend hurts. You are able to break the destructive cycle of retaliation and build the positive cycle of success.

Here's an oldie but goodie. Do you remember Stephen Covey's First Things First? If you haven't read it, you're missing out on a real gem. I recently brushed off the dust from my copy and dug into it full force.