Thoughts of the last two weeks fill my head and I have been fighting two divergent ideas: to share a personal crisis in this blog or simply pretend that nothing had happened. A client unwittingly provided the answer and taught me a valuable lesson in the area of a counselor being a person as well as a professional. I will try to elaborate in the space below.

On 6-6 I had what was described as a possibly near fatal Asthma attack that was exacerbated by heat exhaustion, a respiratory infection and a virus. I was bedridden until 6-14 and had started to make improvement until 6-18 when an increase in symptoms occurred. I was examined and they diagnosed an allergic reaction to one or more of the medications that they prescribed. I stopped the treatment and have been recovering from the effects since.

I was in session when the original attack occurred and somehow managed to finish the session with my world spinning out of control. I remember finishing the session exactly on time when typically I let them run over. I then grabbed the only medication I had in my office which was a Sudafed (I have since learned that this was the last thing to take in this situation) and hoped for the best. I felt some air return to my body as my heart raced out of control (a combination of severe asthma attack and a reaction to the Sudafed). I quickly emailed my wife to tell her how much she means to me before going into autopilot. I completed three more sessions, sweating profusely before realizing that I needed rest and cancelling the remainder of the day. For some reason I did not call 911 or go to the ER. Instead I went to bed for two days before visiting my doctor’s physician assistant. I missed a week from work, more than when I had had surgery, more than when I broke my knee cap up when I fell on the ice. The second dose of illness from a reaction to the medications was scary as well but not as bad as the original attack. Passing out is not fun nor is a series of physiological anxiety attacks (few realize that your mind can be calm while your body has a full-fledged attack. I am not sure if this occurs only as part of allergic reactions but they are scary).Still, I returned to work while this was going on.

Going back into the office was hard at first; the memories of the attack, the thoughts of almost dying, the adjustment to realizing that I was not immortal after all and the resultant self evaluation of my life and loves were tough but necessary. For perhaps the first time I felt that I could “really understand” clients who had come back from the brink of death and the cloud of emotions that come with it.

Most sessions since my return have been uneventful. Clients come and focus on their issues, some give a programmed “glad you are better” others do not mention the cancelled session the week before and just move forward. This is what I prefer actually. Others make it a bit tougher. They show concern. They ask how I am doing and at times ask personal questions. Some refuse to take the stock answer “I had a few tough days and am feeling better; I hope to have a full recovery very soon but this is your session not mine so let’s focus on how you are doing.” Those are the ones that were making me feel uncomfortable; the worst were the medical professionals who are used to asking personal medical questions and are NOT used to being told no. They have a tendency to keep probing; sometimes they probe like a ninja by embedding a question periodically into their responses to my queries.

One such medical ninja actually taught me some very useful information that had not been provided by my md. She did not ask me questions so much as she did an intervention on me and my need to keep healthy because “your family and your clients depend on you.” Perhaps the most educational comment followed. I thanked her for her concern and for trying to help but reminded her that this was her time, not mine and she was the focus. She replied “every week I come here and you make me feel happy, if I want to take a few minutes of my time to help you with what I do professionally, you can bet I am going to. It makes me feel better knowing you have the information and will be able to stay healthy and be here when I need you.” With that statement came a slight pause from me; I had never thought of it in those terms before. Our clients at times have a vested interested in us, in our health, if for no other reason than they depend on us (short term) to help makes sense of their lives, to find answers and gain their independence. Also, as professionals they sometimes feel like it is natural to offer their guidance to those they know. Provided they do not take things too far, is it really a bad thing (I did stop one from getting their stethoscope to examine me)?

One client who has extremely low self esteem and questions her value proved to be a medical ninja. I used this in her next session. I spoke to her of her perceptions of herself and how they did not match up at all to what I saw in her questions posed at me the session before. At a time when people complain about medical professionals being cold and uncaring, she showed true concern and compassion. We explored how she was at her job and I learned that she acts the same way but goes much further as the situation allows her to (I stopped her in session). I shared my perception of her when she posed her questions to me and though I reminded her that boundary issues had to be considered but that I was very impressed with her concern and professionalism; this lead to a session of her evaluating her abilities in a very positive light for perhaps the first time.

I don’t recommend almost passing away at work as a means to reach clients but any chance to gain insight into ourselves, our clients and others should not be wasted. Just as we expect our clients will respect us and our professions, we owe our clients the same respect. You can bet I will let a client share an observation in the future, just as I will use that observation to launch one of my own that ties into their current issues.

Live, learn and love because life is a true gift.

Warren Corson III (Doc Warren) is a counselor and the clinical & executive director of a community counseling agency in central CT (www.docwarren.org).