I think the first real discussion I had on the topic of being congruent came in my undergrad theories of counseling class. As a fresh faced freshman it appeared to be a new concept; one that appeared complicated on its surface but also one that was slap my forehead “I could have had a V8!” simple once I thought about it. As clinicians we have had it pounded into our beings regarding the importance of being congruent with our style, clients and our life in general. We all likely could point out many cases where our elders may have failed in some ways; it always seems easier to point out failures than to take the time to recognize people when their actions match their words and vice versa. Maybe this entry will help change that a bit.

I had a vice principal in Middle School named Mr. B. Oh how he could be a pain in the butt to middle school kids everywhere. Every day he spoke of responsibility, taking personal ownership of our actions, making a difference in society etc. You know the type, “Mr. Goody Two Shoes” was just one of the things people called him at times, most of the others could not be written on this sight, but still he preached that which was important to him. He seemed too good to be true, so good in fact that many of us kids used to joke about all the bad stuff that he likely did when he was “not at work putting on his act.” It’s funny how young many of us are when we learn to be cynical…

Sometime when I was finishing High School Mr. B “invaded” our psyches once again when he became the interim vice principal of our High School for half a year. Some kids thought it was because he was fired from the other school but it turned out it was because he was retiring soon and they found his replacement. He took that assignment rather than just stay home or roam the old school with no real work to do after he trained his replacement. The real test of Mr. B. came once he hung up his tie and entered the “real world” of retirement in this average sized New England town and its fish bowl type surveillance.

In some towns this would be the end of the story: man talks of living a virtuous life, man retires and is lost to all but those who he is close to. Not this time, not in this town. Thankfully for all of us, there was never a story of Mr. B. being caught in a strip club fight, no cyber issues and no DUI’s that so many of us tend to expect. Instead like clockwork Mr. B. has been seen daily walking the Memorial Boulevard, the very boulevard that the school where he made his living sits at the end of and the very land on which he taught us all to make a difference. He walks for his health to be sure. I am sure he walks to keep active and busy but he does far more than walk. You see, everyday he walks, he walks with a garbage bag in one hand as he bends over and picks up the garbage that thoughtless people have thrown out of their windows, let blow out of their yards or simply threw away rather than walk to the closest garbage can. He does this just about every day all year round. He has done this for many many years now.

A few years ago I nominated him for my agency’s “Harbinger of Hope” award; I could not see a better example of being congruent, selflessly helping others, than in the words and actions of Mr. B. I approached him on his daily walk, discussed the nomination and asked if he would accept the award. He appeared confused and then flattered when I told him how inspiring he has been both as an educator, administrator and now as a citizen that cares so much about his town. He thanked me but declined saying something to the effect that he does what he does not for personal gain or acknowledgement but because it is what he feels is the right thing to do; it’s his way to give back to a place that has given him so much. He felt taking an award would cheapen his actions.

This is likely the part where you may expect me to tell you that the boulevard lies in disarray because he was laid to rest today; his good deeds nothing more than a memory now, but you would be wrong. I write this not as a eulogy to a good person who has left us but as a living example of what we strive to be: congruent.

As clinicians we cannot talk about temperance to our clients and then go out regularly and drink to excess. Not if we want to have any credibility at least. We cannot profess to be experts in relationships yet be seen with a never ending supply of one night stands, arrests for domestic abuse or whatever. Living well, living in ways that we espouse to others help enable us to continue to help those which we spend our careers serving.

It turns out that I did not learn the term congruent in that freshman counseling class but in the halls of Memorial Boulevard School and I am reminded of this everyday as I drive by Mr. B. as he helps keep this town presentable.

Warren Corson III (Doc Warren) is a counselor and the clinical & executive director of a community counseling agency in central CT (www.docwarren.org).