There are many times when a counselor has to step away from their personal beliefs and feelings in order to deal impartially with an issue, choice or decision that is contrary to everything that they believe in. Though I am typically able to do this with ease there are times when doing this is very difficult. Not long ago I found myself in just that type of situation when a client advised me that though they had a life changing medical condition that could be treated surgically; they were opting not to have the surgery due to concerns related to living with the long term results of treatment. The surgery was serious to be sure and far from what a typical surgeon would likely refer to as average or routine but it WOULD reportedly save my client’s life.

I am a fighter, not in the violent meaning but in terms of fighting for one’s life. My mother was almost killed when I was 6 (just days after my birthday actually) in a terrible car accident caused by a probable drunk driver (they did little tests for drinking in the late 1970’s). She died on the scene but was somehow revived by an off duty paramedic fireman that lived across the street from the accident. Weeks later she emerged from her coma blind and paralyzed but determined to see her children once more. Her doctors had been frank with the family while she was in her coma; she was not going to live long; they did not know how she had pulled through to that point (we learned later that my mother heard this while still trapped in her coma, I can only imagine the horror she felt in hearing this).Miraculously, weeks after regaining consciousness it was learned that her blindness was a result of brain swelling and her sight eventually returned. Though told she would never walk again, she defied odds and did so within 6 months, by the one year mark she walked without the aid of a walker. I will never forget that day but this is for another time.

I learned from her that life was precious and to never let go; to keep the fight. Thankfully she is still with us and works as a highly valued volunteer in my office. She inspired me through several near death experiences; sometimes I wonder if MD’s throw out a potential death sentence too easily, as by my count I was given one on at least three occasions, but I fought through each illness and have not looked back, though I know that this is not always possible. My body is scarred and my life is not what it once was but through redefining myself and my goals I have succeeded in having a great and productive life.

These experiences define me, but they do not define my clients. I listened to him as he told me his rationale for choosing not to continue with treatment. We explored options that were given to him by the surgeons and why he felt they were not viable. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong; that life was sacred and that it was worth fighting for. I wanted to tell him that a life altered badly was still a life and as such was sacred and that not doing everything in your power to live was tantamount to suicide and all the things the preachers have taught me that are against suicide. But instead I listened.

I listened to him. He had a well thought out rationale for his decision and though I steadfastly disagreed with it, it was his decision to make. I helped him explore every option, asked some hard questions for him to consider and listened to his weak voice as he told me through his tears why he was making this choice. He had agreed prior to our session on trying one last non surgical effort that may spare him from the worst part of treatment and inside I was very grateful that he did so.

The moment came when he asked me if I thought he was making the right decision. My mind wanted to tell him how wrong he was, but I recognized that this was based on my life choice and my terms and not his. Instead of being judgmental I told him that the only opinion that mattered here was his; if he felt he was doing the right thing then it was everyone else’s job to accept him on his terms. I did remind him that the last treatment was in the beginning stages and that we still had time before we would know if treatment had been effective so perhaps he should hold off on making his final decision until he saw what if any gains this treatment offered. He agreed but stated firmly that he would not have the surgery.

The session ended with him sharing his wishes for his funeral services; his family had already been advised but he wanted me to assist them should they need me. I agreed.

As his doctor I respect his right to live life on his terms. He is of sound mind if not sound body and as such has a right to accept or deny medical treatment. Though I have always respected hospice workers and I never wanted to be one myself, I have a newfound appreciation for what they must go through on a daily basis. In this area alone there are likely dozens of these types of sessions going on in hospices and I hope that the client is being treated with the same respect. As for me, I am glad that I have a solid support network and have many outlets for work related issues.

Warren Corson III (Doc Warren) is a counselor and the clinical & executive director of a community counseling agency in central CT (www.docwarren.org).