from the American Counseling Association
sponsored by the ACA Foundation

Valentine's Day - candies, flowers and all the sweet sentiments that speak to young love. Is that what this holiday is for you, or have you been in a relationship so long that the romance is just a fading memory?

If the latter is the case, why not use Valentine's Day as a starting point for putting the romance back in the relationship, and not just for one day but as a permanent adjustment? The sad truth is that most failed relationships don't explode, but rather fade over time as the romance disappears and one or both partners end up feeling neglected and unimportant.

A starting point for reviving the romance is by showing the other person you're still paying attention. Start by remembering things (yes, use your calendar or day planner) beyond just that birthday and anniversary. Celebrate special days, like that first date anniversary or that vacation that you both so enjoyed. Celebrate non-special days, just because you want to.

You also have to make time for each other. Romance in a relationship requires paying attention to the other person's feelings and thoughts, not just to the problems, issues and details of daily life.

If necessary, add your partner to your schedule in order to insure that there's time for each other. Maybe you need a weekly "date night," or a set 30 minutes each day to share thoughts, feelings, and future plans.

In our busy lives, it's too easy to just pass each other by. We let the problems overwhelm us, and ignore the love and positive emotions that bring us happiness.

While love may "just happen" when you meet the right person, keeping love alive as a relationship matures takes time and effort, though the work can be enjoyable. Giving your partner a small gift for no reason other than love will bring a loving smile to his or her face, and a warm feeling to you as well. And isn't that what a strong, romantic relationship should be giving you?

The greeting card companies and advertising world may have Valentine's Day aimed at third graders with secret admirers and young couples head over heels in first love, but the romance and positive emotions of the day should inspire all of us to look for more romance in our relationships. Put in some effort to keep the romance alive and you'll find the rewards are well worth the effort.

"The Counseling Corner" is provided as a public service by the American Counseling Association, the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals. Learn more about the counseling profession at the ACA web site, www.counseling.org.